Total Bellenders

In alphabetical order:

Lisa Howard – delicious feline hybrid of Estonia and Japan, which involves heavy emphasis on potatoes and root crops, spontaneous outbursts of patriotic singing, the deliberate flying of aircraft into battleships, toilet-seats that squirt warm water, giddy dancing to Arvo Pärt’s Tabula Rasa and vending machines containing schoolgirls’ underwear. She assisted at the birth of Bell End, her nose curling in disgust as it slithered out of Selwyn’s distended mangina. Since then she has been instrumental in its development, managing its evident autism with good-humour and a firm grip on the tequila bottle. If she’s lovely sober, plastered she’s downright sparkling.

Marc Hundley – Artist, Carpenter to the Stars, Beautiful Clown, Sodomite. One glance confirms Marc as a Total Bellender. Was instrumental in all aesthetic decisions at Bell End from the outset. Made the curtains and towels, hung the bell, drank the bar. Voted World’s Most Lovable Human by all of Brooklyn and the throbbing bell-end of Manhattan three years in a row. Kisses wetly, misbehaves on buses, interferes with your family dog.

Joan Baez is Alive - Marc Hundley 2011

Lucas Mulder – defines the term Secretly Canadian. Was the tall, skinny one in the Bryce & Lucas Laurel & Hardy team that introduced the Bell End family to electricity, back in the days when they huddled under the umbrella of Chris Buck’s solipsism. Mulder has fabricated entire sites by the light of a single 40 watt bulb in Ramallah, and using his own masturbation-powered generator in the jungles of El Peten. Set against the chorus of shrieking, swooning queens that constitutes the Bell End staff, he is a veritable Rock of Gibraltar. Crumbling, replete with crevices and inhabited by monkeys.

Mark Ohe – is the actual Man Who Fell to Earth. All information is received with the trademark cock of the head and concerned gaze, as if he finds these Earthling customs engaging but is awaiting translation into Venutian. Renaissance alien, Mark Ohe has been severally Art Director at Matador, ice-climber, bassist with the seminally grizzled Endless Boogie, ice-climber, musicologist, mountaineer and homesteader. Designs all things Bellended; because he gets it, and because we go way back to the days of sweet Mary Timony in New York and alarming Liz Phair in Las Vegas.

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