And so Labor Day sidles in like a trollop, reminding those still languishing in Mother Nature’s cleavage that Autumn is upon us. ‘Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness’ said John Keats, not to mention ‘Close bosom-friend of the maturing sun’. Can’t argue with that, right? We have no issues with close bosoms. It’s the ones that are less close, the ones than darken the horizon like dirigibles of uncertain intent … it’s those bosoms that wake us, sweating and palsied, in the dead of night.
The sap is falling, shipmates. The pond has a newly ashen pallor and ignorant armies of goldenrod sashay across the fields in the breeze. There’s a discernable nip in the air, and it isn’t Lisa Howard. Evening visitors to the porch at Bell End North request the loan of sweaters and socks from Selwyn’s bower; but assuredly, only the truly incandescent get ‘em.
And as the leaves crisp and blush, so thoughts, like starlings, meander south. To Bell End itself, the tobacco embrace of its sofas, its Restoration Hardware toilet brushes and the Auntie Dorothy tang of its Santa Maria Novella cologne. The new season is upon us, Beloved Friends. A fresh crop of Bellenders, of Big and Total and Complete and Utter Bellenders awaits induction into the Lavatory of Fame. Like tittering debutantes, they lever themselves out of Hansoms and Barouches, praying they have remembered to wear undies, so as not to end up like Emma Watson, flashing all sorts of snatch at the innocent citizens of Waverly Avenue.
And to inaugurate the new season? Please do that risible ‘not clapping’ thing people do with their fingers and thumbs, for our own Brian Finke, who not only has a new show at ClampArt opening on 6th September but also the launch of a third monograph – Construction – from Decode Books, garnished with an essay by perennial Bell End favorite, Whitney Johnson of The New Yorker. Can I gush like a schoolgirl and name-drop some more please? Well, in honour of Finkeweek 2012 … on Sunday 9th September from 5 pm on … the BBQ and smoker at Bell End will be manned by the man himself, The Master of Mesquite, Finke of Finke Hall, Brian (Babyback), 6th Earl of Finke. You are all invited. The great doors will be thrown wide, and Selwyn will be teasing the multitude with his recipe for Cynar Spritz, garnered from a cheeky Gondolier by the Rialto Bridge under the hammer of a Venetian Summer. You got that date, right? Sunday 9th September from 5 pm on. Genitals optional.