After three Campari Spritz in the back bedroom watching Gandalf prance a hammy path through King Lear …
Aged Gloucester, abused by his bastard son and cast out into the wilderness, has resolved to hurl himself from the cliffs at Dover.
Gloucester: Methinks the ground is even.
Edgar: Horrible steep.
Hark, do you hear the sea?
Edgar: Come on, sir, here’s the place. Stand still! How fearful
And dizzy ‘tis to cast one’s eyes so low!
The sailors that do sashay on the beach
Appear like tiny figurines, that ere now
I made swim i’th’commode
Gloucester: Set me where you stand!
And I wouldst hurl my weary bodkin from
This dread summit.
He staggers forward and stops. Pauses.
Gloucester: Egad it’s high.
Edgar: Fare thee well at once, good sir!
Gloucester: Zounds. Mine knees do shiver like an egg and
Mine manly plums do shrink untimely
Into their sockets.
Edgar: Prithee sir, why dost thou tarry at th’verge?
Gloucester: Oh shut thy face, by Jupiter; I’m going.
Edgar: Thy visage is unusual green and thy
Pantaloons a fast-flowering brown
And smelly withal.
(King Lear, Act IV, Scene 6)